“Politics is the art of looking for trouble, finding it everywhere, diagnosing it incorrectly and applying the wrong remedies.”
—Groucho Marx
“If there is ever a fascist takeover in America, it will come not in the form of storm troopers kicking down doors but with lawyers and social workers saying, “I’m from the government and I’m here to help.” —Jonah Goldberg
“Politics is supposed to be the second-oldest profession. I have come to realize that it bears a very close resemblance to the first.” —Ronald Reagan
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Having never personally sought or held a job in “politics,” this historically-proven-successful plan was derived from wisdom gained from the “University of Life” . . . while personally observing, helping to pay for, and living with the results of, politicians in conflict with the intent of our country’s Founders. More specifically, politicians who turn “serving the people” into a “life-time career” of seeking and partaking of an array of self-serving special privileges and other personal benefits.
And now being in my senior years and otherwise ill-equipped to productively pursue its use, this most valued and sought-after plan is herein offered to the general public, “free-of-charge” [subject only to basic commonsense conditions specified later herein].
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STEP #1 — “Perfect Location”: Legally or otherwise, be born in, move to, or otherwise establish citizenship in, a most unique constitutional republic. One providing unequaled liberty and freedom. The worldwide-envy of countless less fortunate others. In the first and yet only nation governed by a unique constitution that establishes a separation of powers through three separate but equal branches of government: An Executive Branch (headed by the president), a Legislative Branch (headed by Congress, which includes a House of Representatives and a Senate), and a Judicial Branch (headed by a Supreme Court). A government of checks and balances—with each branch having its own responsibilities to uphold the constitution, work with the other branches of government, and to protect the liberty/freedom of each citizen. In a nation where sovereignty (supreme power and authority) rests with its citizens. In—the best hope for humankind—a nation established by wise, insightful, and courageous, framers who worked hard to avoid the risk of dictatorship or tyranny. A most precious republic resulting from human needs and sacrifices—all too often disregarded due to innocent ignorance or intentional agenda. In other words—in the “United States of America,” the only place on Earth that satisfies these long-standing and much sought after human needs and expectations.
STEP #2 — “Unrelenting Persistence”: Never hesitate to do “whatever it takes” to get elected to the political office you seek. You will get a lot of help. Largely from voters absorbed with ignorance, apathy, complacency, denial, greed, and counter-productive fear—especially concerning their country’s national and international best-interests. And from those who, “in consideration for” their votes and otherwise support, expect in kind special favors from your position of power and influence. Always remember that constant diversion and distraction from the real issues can also be a valuable aid to your success.
STEP #3 — “Properly Prioritized Objectives”: Once elected, your first and foremost aim must always be keeping your job and maintaining and expanding any power it provides you. Important even above the oath you have taken to uphold your constitutional role. And, while “serving the people,” always make sure that your salary, healthcare, retirement, and overall benefit package far exceed that of your average constituent and private sector counterparts. Special Focus: If you have any anti-America leanings, and/or originate from, or otherwise hold the ideology of, a socialist, communist, or otherwise failed and/or liberty-depriving nation, make sure you unrelentingly use your political campaign and ultimate seat in the U.S. congress to impose the destructive aspects of such background on America.
STEP #4 — “Skillful Delegating”: Should you ever be forced to actually deal with any of your respective constitutional duties, make sure that you readily delegate those tasks to one or more of the existing hundreds of government-funded agencies, departments, bureaus, or commissions. More preferably—create a “new” one that duplicates one or more of the untold hundreds of tax-payer burdens already in place. In doing so, the VA, IRS, EPA, CFPB, USDHS, NSA, DNI, NRLB, BLA, NRC, and OSHA, are but a few of the countless existing models to consider. But, in any case, make sure that the functions you delegate your responsibilities to have union representation, and without fail also provide their government employees with salaries, bonuses, healthcare, retirement, and other benefits that exceed that of their private sector counterparts.
It is also important that you entrust your passed-on responsibilities to folks who—similar to your circumstances—also have job security, bonuses, and an overall benefit package, duly protected from any efforts by “the voters” to control the cost of government. As well as protection from any attempt to hold anyone accountable for waste, fraud, abuse of power or for basic unsatisfactory job performance. Recent scandals involving the FBI, CIA, VA, IRS, NSA, and BLA, etc., can serve as good role models. If supporting funds run short for these or other agencies, bureaus, departments, and commissions—make certain to readily increase taxes as required to at least maintain the status-quo. As well as cover any cost-of-living increases, etc.
Once you get your political agenda implanted in one or more of these functions you are pretty much home free. Because these bureaucracies are headed up by and staffed with people not elected by or realistically accountable to “the people.” But, ever so important also, is to never forget to remind the government bureaucracies which you create and/or perpetuate, just how important it is that they remember to whom they owe their existence and longevity. That, being to you, of course.
STEP #5 — "Accepting Responsibility": Last but not least and regardless of political affiliation—NEVER accept responsibility for anything. Make sure you blame any and all shortfalls on the other party, the previous administration, or someone else. Or, if need be, to an act of God, or a “computer glitch.” Keep in mind that in selected cases a politically biased and agenda driven news media can also be very, very supportive of such efforts. As can an electorate consumed with ignorance, apathy, complacency, greed, fear, class warfare, social-media frenzy, or other distractions and diversions. And relax—after your time of “serving the people” has passed, you will very likely be able to get by and make ends meet through the various opportunities that await you—as a lobbyist, political advisor, author, guest speaker, corporate board member, talk show guest/host, government appointee, or maybe your own Reality TV Show—to list but a few struggling opportunities.
BASIC COMMONSENSE CONDITIONS: Any/all users of above Five-Step Plan must without reservation accept, agree, and ensure that the plan offeror/originator, William James Moore, will be recipient of untraceable life-time political favors commensurate with each respective user’s level of success achieved as a result thereof. And that, in accordance with political custom, such favors and their source will be categorically denied to exist—that is, until being of benefit to the plan offeror/originator to do otherwise. Furthermore, those who fail to grasp the intended jest, cynicism, and satire of this offer and these said conditions, may well find that the herein plan and other aspects of this posting are not compatible with their respective career aspirations, sense of political humor, and/or other concept of reality.
CAUTIONARY NOTES AND ENCOURAGING ACKNOWLEGMENTS: The above “Five Step Plan” will not appeal to everyone. Fortunately, there still exists truly good, honest, hardworking, competent, informed, responsible, and self-sacrificing citizens. Within the young and old; rich and poor; and in between. Patriotic politicians, media personnel, and folks from all other walks of life. Those who are positive contributors to society and truly have our country’s best interests in mind. Such persons will be much too busy trying to do the right thing, to have anything other than justified contempt for the above Five Step Plan and those who pursue it or similar behavior. And, it is to our U.S. citizens’ shame and misfortune that such scarce, deserving, and often publicly scorned folks, are not more often recipient of our unrelenting support and appreciation.
---William James Moore
---William James Moore
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“If you put the federal government in charge of the Sahara Desert, in 5 years there’d be a shortage of sand.” —Milton Friedman
“A man who has never gone to school may steal from a freight car; but if he has a university education, he may steal the whole railroad.” —Theodore Roosevelt
“What is success? I think it is a mixture of having a flair for the thing that you are doing; knowing that it is not enough, that you have got to have hard work and a certain sense of purpose.”
—Margaret Thatcher
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